Supporting your Child with Anxiety

It is expected that children will have some worries and fears as they grow, but they may need support when their anxiety is intense and impacts their daily lives.  Some children are afraid of the dark, being alone, or going to the doctor, but it is important to know when these normal fears become anxiety. 

Signs of Anxiety

Some signs of anxiety in children include avoiding situations that may expose them to their fears, being perfectionists, being oversensitive to criticism, having poor social skills, being extremely shy, withdrawing from activities, becoming upset over changes in routine, requiring constant reassurance, fearing new situations, crying easily or often, and complaining of headaches and stomach aches.  If your child’s fears are overly intense and begin interfering with their everyday lives, it is helpful to talk to a professional and discuss ways to manage these fears at home.

What Can You Do?

Parents cannot and should not always be there to help children calm down when they are anxious, as children need to learn how to regulate their own emotions.  However, you can help your children manage their fears through a number of different methods.  For instance, listen to your children, be empathetic, and provide reassurance when they are experiencing anxiety.  Instead of telling them that their fears are not actually scary, you can remind them that they are brave and that it is okay to be scared.  However, do not dwell on providing this comfort, as this may reinforce the idea that they should be afraid and cause heightened anxiety in the long term.  Instead, after this brief reassurance, you can distract them with other activities and wait until their anxiety has passed.  You can also model healthy ways of handling anxiety.  By showing your children how you manage your own stress, you are showing them that everyone gets scared, but there are different ways that we can handle your fears.

Once your child is calm, you can take more time to discuss the sources of their anxiety, and plan ways that they can face their fears in the future.  Acknowledge that sometimes their fears may come true, but you can make plans for how they can handle these situations if they do.  For example, you can ask your child “What can you do if there is a thunderstorm tonight?” Your children should be actively involved in this process, as this will help them feel more in control of the situation.  If your child fears sleeping alone, work with them to develop a plan on how they might sleep alone in the future.  For example, you might stay with them in the room until they fall asleep on the first night, and then sit just outside of their bedroom door on the second night, until eventually working your way towards sleeping alone.

You Don’t Need to Face this Alone

Sometimes you may not be able to completely ease your child’s anxiety on your own.  Professionals, such as therapists, doctors, and their teachers, can also help support your child.  For instance, play therapy allows children to communicate and process their fears, and it can teach them ways to adapt and cope in different situations.  Their teachers can also ensure that the methods you are using in the home are implemented at school, ensuring consistency and reinforcing their coping skills.

Remember - if your child has anxiety, it is not because you have done anything wrong.  Anxiety in children can be caused by many different factors, including aspects of themselves like their basic personality traits.  Even characteristics of your child such as how good they are at math can impact their anxiety levels, as children with lower math skills have higher levels of math anxiety.  Helping your child through their anxiety will take a lot of persistence, and it may not ever completely go away.  However, with enough time and patience, it is possible to reduce the intensity of your child’s anxiety and find effective ways for them to cope.

Adapted from “Prevention and intervention for anxiety disorders in children and adolescents: A whole school approach” (Campbell, M. A.),  “What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious: How to respect feelings without empowering fears” (Goldstein, C.), and “How to Help Children Manage Fears: Why learning to calm down on their own is key,” (Jacobson, R.).